For the record, we’re about two weeks behind getting on this bandwagon. But that is our wont when new expansions come out for Star Trek Online. Even Forrest played it for a bit. We’ll make up for the lag here by having Lennon go from zero to accusing-DT-of-being-a-terrorist in zero-point-five panels. That’s a landspeed record forsooth.

The fact is, none of the console companies has told us enough about their product to be anything but suspicious. Sniggling details like price price points and launch lists are strangely unforthcoming. Getting either manufacturer to talk about used games is like asking you parents if you can play Minecraft before dinner, each thoughtlessly responding with, “What did your mother/father say?” Microsoft is kind of non-committal as to whether their Orwellian masterwork is designed to be always on or not, speaking only of a power switch hidden somewhere on the surface of the hardware that may or may not protect your children from constant digital scrutiny. Sony still won’t tell me when The Last Guardian is coming out, and I’m starting to get worried that they accidentally killed it and are having a really hard time owning up.

They’ve both been quick to demonstrate how many gazillions of polygons they can push per second. That would be relevant if the best game I’ve played in the last three months wasn’t Monaco.

In reality, though, Microsoft has already lost my money. It has nothing to do with their terrifying surveillance gear, or how their polygon counts compare to anyone else’s, or any of that stuff that’s actually about the console. The problem is still that they insist on charging fifteen dollars a month for a core feature that everyone, and that is everyone, else in the industry considers free. It’s like buying a car, only to find out that the door handles have to be replaced monthly or you can’t get in it. I’m still floored that anyone pays for that shit.